Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
