You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
