I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
