I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
