I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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