I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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