If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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