If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
