No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When are your genitals available?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
