Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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