why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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