so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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