I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
