im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
