i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
