If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
