u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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