Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize