About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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