I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
