Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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