Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
