She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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