I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize