I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
