She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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