Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
