yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
