i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
