Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
