Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
