Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
