On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
