Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
