I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
