Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
