Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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