He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
