i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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