We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
