Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
