Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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