About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My vagina is officially offended.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
