i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
