You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
