She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
