For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
