He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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