i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
please come you make the beer taste better
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
