trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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