legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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