He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
