My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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