Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
