Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
