thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
