Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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