There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
