I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
