im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
