So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
