Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
