pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
