I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
