I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
