We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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