it hurts more in the daytime
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
