youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
