your thong is hanging out like whoa
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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