Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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